TITLE: Coffee AUTHOR: seraC EMAIL: seraphcelene@yahoo.com SPOILERS: Destiny, The End of the World, Departure and Interruptus RATING: mild PG13 ARCHIVING: Essential-Imperfect. All others, please ask. SUMMARY: Kyle meets and girl, and wanting and having aren't so easy. THANKS: To Moonwhip for the beta, the plot polish and the encouragement to make this more. NOTES: Contemplating the overall whiteness of the WB and fell into my cup of coffee. Serena (EOTW) became a prime target. FEEDBACK: Is like air and highly addictive. In other words, yes please! DISCLAIMER: Roswell belongs to Melinda Metz, Jason Katims, Sandollar, UPN, et al. I'm just taking them out for a little excercise. Coffee All he wanted was a cup of coffee. A bracing, fortify-me-for-the challenges ahead cup of coffee. A simple, uncomplicated cup of the Crashdown’s best; a little cream, a little sugar. But, what was it his grandfather used to always say? Wanting and having are two very different things. You can want 'til the cows come home, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re gonna to get it. He had always wanted. His mother to stay. Liz. Tess. Isabel. His father to stop trying to save the world from aliens. Why couldn’t that be somebody else’s job? Wanting and needing. Desire. To have the world be just as he wished it to be. But having always seemed to be the most elusive of dreams. Always slipping between his fingers and leaving behind the scent of disappointment when things were lost. Kyle always wanted. Once upon a time he had been the master of ‘I want.’ Stereotypical high school super jock driven by a collection of self-centered desires. Typical. Until everything was blown apart by the wild ricochet of a bullet from his father’s hand gun. He remembers the bullet sinking into the soft flesh of his belly and the heat of healing. After that everything changed. So Kyle learned not to want. Not to need, except on the most basic level. Curb the craving. Suspend the desire. You can’t get hurt that way. He learned that lesson. But then there was Tess and the whole world shattered. Again. He was knocked flat on his ass, left floundering and so surprised that he couldn’t breathe. The world narrowed and he wanted a little less. Just the basics. Food. Shelter. Clothing. Sex with a pretty girl every now and then. Nothing major. No awesome goals. He wasn’t like Liz; he didn’t want the sun, the moon and all the stars. Just a little piece of the non-alien related universe where he could pretend like the last year of his life never happened. Someplace where he could regain his equilibrium and heal all the places Max couldn’t reach. Someplace where it didn’t hurt so much to want more than what he had. But wanting isn’t having even when the only thing you really want is coffee to take the edge off a restless night. No sleep and then a 9 a.m. discussion about cash flow with the sheriff. He was late for work, Jim needed money and all Kyle wanted was coffee. And still wanting isn’t having. It’s way busy, she said. Saturday morning rush. We’re short staffed. Liz isn’t here. No coffee. A new pot, fresh. Soon. I promise. Maria’s lush mouth curled around the word. Promises. Impossible to keep, inevitably broken. Kyle took most things in stride, calm. But today his agitation was palpable. The irritation curled in the pit of his stomach stretched to close his throat. His hands came up, palms forward. Maria. I’m already late for work. Just. Forget it. The words were a little too sharp and her face crumpled in hurt. His eyes rolled heavenward. Inhale. Exhale. Too quickly. Slow down. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Kyle dodged people as he headed to the double doors. Strong, tan hands thrust against the wood and glass. His jaw clenched as he reached for calm and balance. A step forward, through the doors. Inhale. Exhale. He had the briefest impression of softness, curves and startled brown eyes. Kyle grabbed a nearby chair for balance, but with an armful of books there was nothing to prevent the girl he slammed into from hitting the ground. Kyle shook his head at the futility that was his day. Kneeling beside her, he began gathering the books she had dropped. So sorry. Didn’t see you. I came out so fast. The words fought their way past the knots in this jaw, hissing from behind clenched teeth. He paused. Inhale. Exhale. Kyle tucked his chin down into his chest. Inhale. Exhale. Then he looked up. Barely moving his head, his eyes peeking from beneath bone straight lashes. Are you okay? The words died away as he looked at her. And Kyle remembered what it is to want. Inhale. Exhale. Oxygen. Surprise. Want. Need. Desire. Changes. She was beautiful. Not drop-dead gorgeous, but vibrant and ... different. Surprise. Slightly exotic. Breathless Surprise. She had skin the color of coffee with just enough cream and sugar to make it sweet without sacrificing the bite. Just this side of caramel, a taste darker. And beautiful. The smile she gifted him was bright and lit the world. A curve of full lips, the flash of teeth and the revelation of a dimple in one smooth cheek. Dark eyes, pupils dilating. Brown, nearly black, surrounded by a thick fringe of flirtation. Inhale. Exhale. Beautiful, slipped out on a sigh. Kyle watched those eyes when he said it and saw a flash of something he would not name. Her lashes lowered to hide her reaction. Just for a moment. She looked up and that grin still clung to the corners of her mouth. Surprise, a breathless gut-reaction. Distracted and dazzled. Sorry, he whispered stilted and unsure. S’okay, she said. You’re pretty hot yourself. Kyle burned and laughed just a little in his embarrassment and at her reaction. Surprised and a little uncomfortable at his longing for coffee. Nothing to say. Crouched on the ground in front of the Crashdown with nothing to say. Nothing that might knock the word beautiful out of the air and return the world to its proper axis. Let me help you up, he said; to fill the void, the gap, the silence. Easy smiles and once again that bottom lip curved. Kyle marveled at the smallness of female hands; tiny and slender like Liz, but not so soft as Tess. She was speaking and he was distracted. He wondered at the glint in her eyes, wanting to feel the fineness of small bones and the softness of skin. Kyle hunched his broad shoulders slightly, searching fingers sliding into the front pockets of his snug blue jeans. His reply was automatic. The Kyle Valenti Wise Crack, a programmed response. Yeah, well. That’s how we welcome people to the wonderful city of Roswell. It’s kind of a thing we do. He chased humor into her eyes. One man welcoming committee? I like that. Kyle smiled when she did and offered a hand hurriedly retrieved from the safety of denim. Kyle Valenti. Brown hair, blue eyes, star football player, sheriff’s son or ex-sheriff, anyway. Anglo-Americanus. He listened for her name. Serena. Serena Chartres. Kyle held that name, savoring the inflections. Chartres. French. Serena. Serena. “Serena?” The piping voice broke into Kyle’s thoughts and he turned slightly to see Isabel approach, smiling brightly, “Serena, hi! I thought that was you.” Serena released Kyle’s hand to embrace Isabel. Kyle mourned the loss of soft and slender. Irritation re-asserted itself. The warm glow in his belly turned into knots. Them, always them. Would he never learn? Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. Kyle frowned. “So, you two know each other?” “Yeah,” Isabel replied. “Serena’s in one of my English classes and she has very graciously agreed to tutor me in Astronomy in exchange for ...” Isabel’s smooth brow wrinkled ever so slightly, her smile reducing itself to teeth as she thought. “Did we ever determine what you’re getting out of this relationship?” “Other than your winning company? Well, I think the terms of the agreement were that I tutor you and you show me the deep, dark side of this oh, so grand little town.” Isabel laughed, glancing at Kyle she continued, “The first test is in a few days and I can use all the help I can get. I’ve discovered that astronomy is definitely not my forte.” Kyle breathed a little easier. “So, you just moved here?” he asked. Serena hummed an agreement. “Yeah, but my aunt’s lived here for awhile, so I’ve visited a few times.” “Ah,” he said. “Great.” FBI alien hunter. Hybrid Queen of the Universe. Evil Doppelganger Shapeshifter. The differences could kill him. Would he never learn. He couldn’t forget about wanting and having. Not again. “Well, um. I gotta go. Work. Yeah.” Disappointment clawed at the edges of his voice. He watched Serena’s eyes cloud for just a moment. It was nice meeting you, Kyle Valenti. In her voice he could hear the whisper of something elusive. Wanting and having. Surprise. Inhale. Exhale. Equilibrium found and lost. Kyle stood, alone, and watched Serena and Isabel walk away. And he wanted coffee. All he wanted was coffee. end